Mashable is celebrating Pride Month by exploring the modern LGBTQ world, from the people who make up the community to the spaces where they congregate, both online and off.
As Saturday Night Live just announced: It's Pride Again! And, in some places at least, it'll be full of overpriced drinks, waiting for texts back, and arguments about reading "theory."
If you recently came out and haven't yet experienced Pride, you're not alone. For some, the pandemic offered a unique opportunity to come out as queer: self-isolation, near-death experiences, and entirely-online social lives helped usher in a new era of self-discovery.
Now, as the COVID-19 vaccination rate in the United States is ticking steadily upward, things here are opening up again, just in time for rainbow parades and flags. (Even though the COVID pandemic is far from over in many parts of the world.)
For those who haven't partaken before, Pride 2021 will still be unique as it's the first one in this nebulous, transitional pandemic time. No matter when you've stumbled upon this article, however, these tips are universal. Here are some tips on celebrating your first Pride.
Why celebrate Pride at all?
If you're a baby queer, you may be wondering what all the Pride hubbub is about. In the U.S., Pride Month is June, to commemorate the anniversary of the 1969 Stonewall riots, the catalyst of the country's broader gay liberation movement.
New York's first pride parade was a year later in 1970; other cities followed suit in subsequent years. Bill Clinton was the first president to declare June "Gay and Lesbian Pride Month" in 1999.
While official Pride events have lately been criticized for being corporatized, branded and too white in recent years, initial marches were anything but.
Evelynn Hammonds, chair of Harvard University's Department of the History of Science, attended Boston's first Pride parade in 1976. She told the Harvard Gazette in 2019 that "the marches were among the first highly visible public events for people to express their gay sexuality and for allies to have an opportunity to support the gay people in their lives."
Hammonds continued, "The marches also became vehicles for political expression as well."
Visibility and political expression are at the core of Pride as well as, of course, pride for one's sexuality. It's true that brands have capitalized on these events, but that doesn't have to eclipse the history of Pride nor the people who celebrate it year after year.
Don't buy the rainbow Svedka bottle if you don't want to. Instead, tailor your Pride celebrations to fit your interests and personality.
Related Video: 10 essential LGBTQ films to stream this Pride Month
Plan a Pride celebration that works for you
Some cities, like New York, are having some Pride events in person this year. If you're comfortable celebrating in person and don't mind crowds, research what's going on in your city.
It's more than OK if you don't want to celebrate in those spaces, though. "Some of us can feel alienated and alone in big public events," said Adam Blum, licensed psychotherapist and founder and director of the Gay Therapy Center in New York, Los Angeles, and San Francisco. "If you don’t like parades and festivals, you might be more comfortable in some of the events that surround Pride."
Many towns and cities have festivities other than the huge parade. Look for smaller or niche events. If you're a movie lover, for example, check if there's an LGBTQ film festival near you during June.
"Plan ahead to decide what fits best for you at this time in your life," Blum advised. The big Pride celebrations don't represent all the queer community — just the faction that loves big Pride celebrations.
"At a festival, you are less likely to meet someone who prefers staying home with a good book or hanging out one-on-one with their LGBTQ friend or partner," Blum said.
"Without community care and my chosen family, I wouldn't be able to embrace my queerness in wholeness like I do today."
If you don't mind meeting in person but you want something more chill, a Pride brunch can fit the bill. Sydney Chin is a queer survivor/edu-guide who helps Pan Asian women and non-cis men who are survivors of sexual violence reclaim their sensuality — she recommends a community potluck.
"Community care and mutual aid go hand in hand with celebration of Pride for me," said Chin. "Without community care and my chosen family, I wouldn't be able to embrace my queerness in wholeness like I do today."
Theologian, activist, and LGBTQ ally Rev. Dr. Kelly Brown Douglas advised those commemorating their first Pride to look at yourself and remind yourself that you're loved amid all the celebrating. Douglas, an expert in the intersection of the queer community and the Black church, teaches that everybody who lives and breathes is sacred — and to remind yourself of that while going through the motions of Pride.
What if I have no queer friends to celebrate Pride with?
It's understandable not wanting to celebrate alone, whether you're going to a parade or want to stay home. But if you don't have any queer friends close to you, Chin suggests celebrating with people already in your life who value your authentic self.
Douglas advised the same, but acknowledged that it may be hard to find people like you, depending on your circumstances. "Find someone who loves you for who you are," she said, "and if you can't find that someone — and I'm serious about this — look in the mirror and say, 'I love me. And I'm OK.'" These self-affirmations go a long way when no one IRL is saying them to you — and even if they are.
"I love me. And I'm OK."
If you do want to meet fellow queer people after your affirmations, getting involved with Pride organizing groups is a good place to start. Look into LGBTQ recreational, political, and charity groups, Blum said. You can attend an online or in-person meeting and it's possible they're planning something for Pride that you can join too.
Can I still celebrate Pride if I'm not out yet?
Yes, of course — but it'll be, understandably, a more internal celebration. Know that you're as valid as any other queer person, even if you're not out to anyone but yourself.
It's no secret that homophobia, queerphobia, and transphobia exist in broader society. But sometimes, cruel words are internal as well as, or even rather than, external. This is thanks to internalized queerphobia (or other phobias) and other mental health impacts of minority stress. This is where Douglas' tips on self-compassion come in: Remember that you're OK and valid no matter what your external situation may be.
Celebrate yourself through self-love rituals, said Chin. "An example is a threshold ritual to signify they’re stepping into a new chapter of their life," she said. "It’s an intentional way to honor yourself."
You can also put on your own Pride film festival, Blum suggested, by watching queer films such as Milk or Paris Is Burning.
No matter how you celebrate your first Pride, know that it doesn't have to be — and probably won't be — perfect. It might be full of the corporate floats and $50 swill drinks that SNL satirized above. Or it might be just you and some verbal affirmations. But celebrating your sexuality, whether with yourself or your entire city, is both a political act and an act of self love. It can look however you'd like, rainbow flag or not.
Read more
Topics LGBTQ
