I was raised in a practicing muslim family. I always had sexual urges but never had a chance to fulfill them. I had a lot of knowledge about Islam but I didn't really believe in it. I got into unlawful relationships (kissing etc.) but not into sexual intercourse. One ramadan changed me and I came back to Islam, prayed tahajjud, never missed a prayer and wore a hijab. But one day one thing led to another and I ended up doing what I used to do. I feel like I can't be forgiven. I feel like death would be better.
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Never think that death is better. Because Allah(swt) is the Most Forgiving. Don't ever forget that. You should repent from your previous deeds and make sure you never do them again. Because every time you fall back to it, it becomes harder to ask forgiveness from Allah.– user24306Commented Jul 24, 2018 at 18:26
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Relevant post Is tawba acceptable for pre-martial sexual videos my boyfriend put on the internet– Medi1Saif ♦Commented Jul 26, 2018 at 5:35
1 Answer
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Have taqwa (fear) of Allah wherever you may be, and follow up a bad deed with a good deed which will wipe it out, and behave well towards the people."(At-Tirmidhi)
Saying Allah will not forgive you anymore is even greater sin than the bad deed you’ve done itself! Sincerely ask for forgiveness and you’ll find Allah to be The Most Forgiving.
Also, get married if you can.