I am a Ph.D. student in the U.S. in my final year.
During my 2nd year, I wasn't very excited with where my project was going, and I had the idea of adding a coadvisor to the mix, whose research I found really interesting (unfortunately, he did not have the funds to support me on his own). My advisor agreed, and we drafted a project of what we would do together to apply for a research grant. The problem was that my advisor had a pet project that he did not want to let go of, and he kept telling me that once that was done, we could move on to do other things. If he had not accepted having a coadvisor, I would not have stayed in his lab beyond my 2nd year.
Fast forward to today, and my advisor essentially managed to string me along with empty promises, and made me spend the entirety of my Ph.D. working on anything except with my coadvisor, or letting me have time to prioritize working individually with him. I realized that there wouldn't be enough time to move on to do other things during my 4th year, but by then it seemed to me that it was too late. I kept hoping that my advisor would realize that this was not what he said we would do, that he could be swayed if I gave him enough work on his projects, or that my coadvisor would eventually fight him if necessary (I can explain why he did not, but I don't want to make this post unnecessarily long, or give too many identifying details).
The point is that I feel deceived. I don't think it's fair for a student to join a lab on the expectation of working on a given project, and that never happening (he's also used harsh language in a few occasions, but I think that is less important than what I just described). If my advisor was in a moment in his career where he couldn't or didn't want to have a coadvisor, then I wish he had been candid about it, and we would have gone in separate ways. I feel he told me what I wanted to hear just so I would keep working on what he wanted, but he had no intention of working with my coadvisor, if he could avoid it. I told my advisor I wasn't happy with this state of affairs, but they did not make any meaningful concessions.
The kicker is that my advisor is not tenured yet, and is undergoing tenure review this year. Shouldn't someone somewhere know that he did this to one of his students before he gets tenure? Should I just accept that I was swindled, take my degree and get out?
I feel tempted to just break with him and defend only with my coadvisor, even though that would cost me a letter of recommendation, but I don't know the extent of how this could come back to haunt me in the future. Even if I don't break with him now, I don't want to have any future relationship with this person. How can I go 'no contact' with an advisor if I decide to stay in academia?