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aparente001
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"I really respected her when I first started my program and she aggressively pursued a relationship with me-- she even convinced"She repeatedly pressured me to changetake her classes, make her my specializations. I have seenthesis chair, become her do this with other students. [.graduate assistant, etc. etc.] I never picked up on anything sexual."

There was some initial confusion about the flavortype of her pursuitpressure, but that has now been clarified -- thanks.

Questions: (1) Are such inter-institutional threats actionable? (2) How likely is it that faculty at one institution can influence faculty at another institution in order to negatively affect the reputation of a student?

(1) You can check your university's code of conduct and policies, but even if they were actionable, since you'll be leaving soon, I'd recommend that you simply cut off any future communications with this professor, and look forward to being in a different department soon.

(2) We can't possibly predict the behavior of this professor, nor the reaction of the new department were this professor to actually contact them, but I would advise you to inform your department chair what's going on. Surely s/he will instruct the professor not to contact the new department.

Related to the above, I recommend that you make a clean, complete break in communications with the professor. Here are the basic action steps needed, as I see it:

  1. Inform your department head that you are uncomfortable receiving any communications from this prof. Provide three concrete examples of harassment. Include email quotes if possible. Leave out the background info and make it very simple. Ideally, the department head will let the prof know that communication from her would not be welcome. If not, send one short email to the prof with this statement, and don't read her response (see next step).

  2. As someone else suggested, set up a filter to block incoming email from the prof. Since she might try to play mind games with you, but since you might need to have a record of future messages from her, forward all incoming mail from her to a trusted friend (without it ever hitting your inbox). But ask your friend to simply archive the messages without sharing them with you, unless there's something alarming coming in.

  3. (This step is optional) Telephone the graduate advisor in your upcoming department and calmly explain, e.g. "Prof. XX in my department told me she has been contacting you with negative remarks about me. I've informed my department head, Prof. YY, and made him/her aware of the situation. In case Prof. XX contacts you, I wanted to give you a heads-up." This is not something to say over email. If you have trouble reaching him or her, try to leave a message with a secretary, or in the worst case, write a brief email requesting a phone appointment, and mention several chunks of time when you'll be able to take a call and speak discreetly. Again, keep your tone very neutral and leave all the emotions out of it.

At the same time, get discreet support, perhaps through your university counseling service, perhaps through a relationship safety group in your town, perhaps with your closest friends. But be discreet in your department. If you need to leave the room when she walks in, just quietly discover a need to visit the bathroom.

"I really respected her when I first started my program and she aggressively pursued a relationship with me-- she even convinced me to change my specializations. I have seen her do this with other students. [...] I never picked up on anything sexual."

There was some initial confusion about the flavor of her pursuit, but that has now been clarified -- thanks.

Questions: (1) Are such inter-institutional threats actionable? (2) How likely is it that faculty at one institution can influence faculty at another institution in order to negatively affect the reputation of a student?

(1) You can check your university's code of conduct and policies, but even if they were actionable, since you'll be leaving soon, I'd recommend that you simply cut off any future communications with this professor, and look forward to being in a different department soon.

(2) We can't possibly predict the behavior of this professor, nor the reaction of the new department were this professor to actually contact them, but I would advise you to inform your department chair what's going on. Surely s/he will instruct the professor not to contact the new department.

Related to the above, I recommend that you make a clean, complete break in communications with the professor. Here are the basic action steps needed, as I see it:

  1. Inform your department head that you are uncomfortable receiving any communications from this prof. Provide three concrete examples of harassment. Include email quotes if possible. Leave out the background info and make it very simple. Ideally, the department head will let the prof know that communication from her would not be welcome. If not, send one short email to the prof with this statement, and don't read her response (see next step).

  2. As someone else suggested, set up a filter to block incoming email from the prof. Since she might try to play mind games with you, but since you might need to have a record of future messages from her, forward all incoming mail from her to a trusted friend (without it ever hitting your inbox). But ask your friend to simply archive the messages without sharing them with you, unless there's something alarming coming in.

  3. (This step is optional) Telephone the graduate advisor in your upcoming department and calmly explain, e.g. "Prof. XX in my department told me she has been contacting you with negative remarks about me. I've informed my department head, Prof. YY, and made him/her aware of the situation. In case Prof. XX contacts you, I wanted to give you a heads-up." This is not something to say over email. If you have trouble reaching him or her, try to leave a message with a secretary, or in the worst case, write a brief email requesting a phone appointment, and mention several chunks of time when you'll be able to take a call and speak discreetly. Again, keep your tone very neutral and leave all the emotions out of it.

At the same time, get discreet support, perhaps through your university counseling service, perhaps through a relationship safety group in your town, perhaps with your closest friends. But be discreet in your department. If you need to leave the room when she walks in, just quietly discover a need to visit the bathroom.

"She repeatedly pressured me to take her classes, make her my thesis chair, become her graduate assistant, etc. etc. I never picked up on anything sexual."

There was some initial confusion about the type of pressure, but that has now been clarified -- thanks.

Questions: (1) Are such inter-institutional threats actionable? (2) How likely is it that faculty at one institution can influence faculty at another institution in order to negatively affect the reputation of a student?

(1) You can check your university's code of conduct and policies, but even if they were actionable, since you'll be leaving soon, I'd recommend that you simply cut off any future communications with this professor, and look forward to being in a different department soon.

(2) We can't possibly predict the behavior of this professor, nor the reaction of the new department were this professor to actually contact them, but I would advise you to inform your department chair what's going on. Surely s/he will instruct the professor not to contact the new department.

Related to the above, I recommend that you make a clean, complete break in communications with the professor. Here are the basic action steps needed, as I see it:

  1. Inform your department head that you are uncomfortable receiving any communications from this prof. Provide three concrete examples of harassment. Include email quotes if possible. Leave out the background info and make it very simple. Ideally, the department head will let the prof know that communication from her would not be welcome. If not, send one short email to the prof with this statement, and don't read her response (see next step).

  2. As someone else suggested, set up a filter to block incoming email from the prof. Since she might try to play mind games with you, but since you might need to have a record of future messages from her, forward all incoming mail from her to a trusted friend (without it ever hitting your inbox). But ask your friend to simply archive the messages without sharing them with you, unless there's something alarming coming in.

  3. (This step is optional) Telephone the graduate advisor in your upcoming department and calmly explain, e.g. "Prof. XX in my department told me she has been contacting you with negative remarks about me. I've informed my department head, Prof. YY, and made him/her aware of the situation. In case Prof. XX contacts you, I wanted to give you a heads-up." This is not something to say over email. If you have trouble reaching him or her, try to leave a message with a secretary, or in the worst case, write a brief email requesting a phone appointment, and mention several chunks of time when you'll be able to take a call and speak discreetly. Again, keep your tone very neutral and leave all the emotions out of it.

At the same time, get discreet support, perhaps through your university counseling service, perhaps through a relationship safety group in your town, perhaps with your closest friends. But be discreet in your department. If you need to leave the room when she walks in, just quietly discover a need to visit the bathroom.

Brought answer into clearer focus with exact questions
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aparente001
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"I really respected her when I first started my program and she aggressively pursued a relationship with me-- she even convinced me to change my specializations. I have seen her do this with other students. [...] I never picked up on anything sexual."

There are two ways to interpret this. I think you mean she pursued an academic relationship -- as opposed to romantic or sexualwas some initial confusion about the flavor of her pursuit, but that has now been clarified -- thanks.

Questions: (1) Are such inter-institutional threats actionable? (2) How likely is it that faculty at one institution can influence faculty at another institution in order to negatively affect the reputation of a student?

(1) You can check your university's code of conduct and policies, but correct meeven if I'm wrongthey were actionable, since you'll be leaving soon, I'd recommend that you simply cut off any future communications with this professor, and look forward to being in a different department soon.

(2) We can't possibly predict the behavior of this professor, nor the reaction of the new department were this professor to actually contact them, but I would advise you to inform your department chair what's going on. Surely s/he will instruct the professor not to contact the new department.

Related to the above, I recommend that you make a clean, complete break in communications with the professor. Here are the basic action steps needed, as I see it:

  1. Inform your department head that you are uncomfortable receiving any communications from this prof. Provide three concrete examples of harassment. Include email quotes if possible. Leave out the background info and make it very simple. Ideally, the department head will let the prof know that communication from her would not be welcome. If not, send one short email to the prof with this statement, and don't read her response (see next step).

  2. As someone else suggested, set up a filter to block incoming email from the prof. Since she might try to play mind games with you, but since you might need to have a record of future messages from her, forward all incoming mail from her to a trusted friend (without it ever hitting your inbox). But ask your friend to simply archive the messages without sharing them with you, unless there's something alarming coming in.

  3. (This step is optional) Telephone the graduate advisor in your upcoming department and calmly explain, e.g. "Prof. XX in my department told me she has been contacting you with negative remarks about me. I've informed my department head, Prof. YY, and made him/her aware of the situation. In case Prof. XX contacts you, I wanted to give you a heads-up." This is not something to say over email. If you have trouble reaching him or her, try to leave a message with a secretary, or in the worst case, write a brief email requesting a phone appointment, and mention several chunks of time when you'll be able to take a call and speak discreetly. Again, keep your tone very neutral and leave all the emotions out of it.

At the same time, get discreet support, perhaps through your university counseling service, perhaps through a relationship safety group in your town, perhaps with your closest friends. But be discreet in your department. If you need to leave the room when she walks in, just quietly discover a need to visit the bathroom.

"I really respected her when I first started my program and she aggressively pursued a relationship with me-- she even convinced me to change my specializations. I have seen her do this with other students."

There are two ways to interpret this. I think you mean she pursued an academic relationship -- as opposed to romantic or sexual -- but correct me if I'm wrong.

I recommend that you make a clean, complete break. Here are the basic action steps needed, as I see it:

  1. Inform your department head that you are uncomfortable receiving any communications from this prof. Provide three concrete examples of harassment. Include email quotes if possible. Leave out the background info and make it very simple. Ideally, the department head will let the prof know that communication from her would not be welcome. If not, send one short email to the prof with this statement, and don't read her response (see next step).

  2. As someone else suggested, set up a filter to block incoming email from the prof. Since she might try to play mind games with you, but since you might need to have a record of future messages from her, forward all incoming mail from her to a trusted friend (without it ever hitting your inbox). But ask your friend to simply archive the messages without sharing them with you, unless there's something alarming coming in.

  3. (This step is optional) Telephone the graduate advisor in your upcoming department and calmly explain, e.g. "Prof. XX in my department told me she has been contacting you with negative remarks about me. I've informed my department head, Prof. YY, and made him/her aware of the situation. In case Prof. XX contacts you, I wanted to give you a heads-up." This is not something to say over email. If you have trouble reaching him or her, try to leave a message with a secretary, or in the worst case, write a brief email requesting a phone appointment, and mention several chunks of time when you'll be able to take a call and speak discreetly. Again, keep your tone very neutral and leave all the emotions out of it.

At the same time, get discreet support, perhaps through your university counseling service, perhaps through a relationship safety group in your town, perhaps with your closest friends. But be discreet in your department. If you need to leave the room when she walks in, just quietly discover a need to visit the bathroom.

"I really respected her when I first started my program and she aggressively pursued a relationship with me-- she even convinced me to change my specializations. I have seen her do this with other students. [...] I never picked up on anything sexual."

There was some initial confusion about the flavor of her pursuit, but that has now been clarified -- thanks.

Questions: (1) Are such inter-institutional threats actionable? (2) How likely is it that faculty at one institution can influence faculty at another institution in order to negatively affect the reputation of a student?

(1) You can check your university's code of conduct and policies, but even if they were actionable, since you'll be leaving soon, I'd recommend that you simply cut off any future communications with this professor, and look forward to being in a different department soon.

(2) We can't possibly predict the behavior of this professor, nor the reaction of the new department were this professor to actually contact them, but I would advise you to inform your department chair what's going on. Surely s/he will instruct the professor not to contact the new department.

Related to the above, I recommend that you make a clean, complete break in communications with the professor. Here are the basic action steps needed, as I see it:

  1. Inform your department head that you are uncomfortable receiving any communications from this prof. Provide three concrete examples of harassment. Include email quotes if possible. Leave out the background info and make it very simple. Ideally, the department head will let the prof know that communication from her would not be welcome. If not, send one short email to the prof with this statement, and don't read her response (see next step).

  2. As someone else suggested, set up a filter to block incoming email from the prof. Since she might try to play mind games with you, but since you might need to have a record of future messages from her, forward all incoming mail from her to a trusted friend (without it ever hitting your inbox). But ask your friend to simply archive the messages without sharing them with you, unless there's something alarming coming in.

  3. (This step is optional) Telephone the graduate advisor in your upcoming department and calmly explain, e.g. "Prof. XX in my department told me she has been contacting you with negative remarks about me. I've informed my department head, Prof. YY, and made him/her aware of the situation. In case Prof. XX contacts you, I wanted to give you a heads-up." This is not something to say over email. If you have trouble reaching him or her, try to leave a message with a secretary, or in the worst case, write a brief email requesting a phone appointment, and mention several chunks of time when you'll be able to take a call and speak discreetly. Again, keep your tone very neutral and leave all the emotions out of it.

At the same time, get discreet support, perhaps through your university counseling service, perhaps through a relationship safety group in your town, perhaps with your closest friends. But be discreet in your department. If you need to leave the room when she walks in, just quietly discover a need to visit the bathroom.

Fixed a verb
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aparente001
  • 39k
  • 8
  • 65
  • 154

"I really respected her when I first started my program and she aggressively pursued a relationship with me-- she even convinced me to change my specializations. I have seen her do this with other students."

There are two ways to interpret this. I think you mean she pursued an academic relationship -- as opposed to romantic or sexual -- but correct me if I'm wrong.

I recommend that you make a clean, complete break. Here are the basic action steps needed, as I see it:

  1. Inform your department head that you are uncomfortable receiving any communications from this prof. Provide three concrete examples of harassment. Including Include email quotes if possible. Leave out the background info and make it very simple. Ideally, the department head will let the prof know that communication from her would not be welcome. If not, send one short email to the prof with this statement, and don't read her response (see next step).

  2. As someone else suggested, set up a filter to block incoming email from the prof. Since she might try to play mind games with you, but since you might need to have a record of future messages from her, forward all incoming mail from her to a trusted friend (without it ever hitting your inbox). But ask your friend to simply archive the messages without sharing them with you, unless there's something alarming coming in.

  3. (This step is optional) Telephone the graduate advisor in your upcoming department and calmly explain, e.g. "Prof. XX in my department told me she has been contacting you with negative remarks about me. I've informed my department head, Prof. YY, and made him/her aware of the situation. In case Prof. XX contacts you, I wanted to give you a heads-up." This is not something to say over email. If you have trouble reaching him or her, try to leave a message with a secretary, or in the worst case, write a brief email requesting a phone appointment, and mention several chunks of time when you'll be able to take a call and speak discreetly. Again, keep your tone very neutral and leave all the emotions out of it.

At the same time, get discreet support, perhaps through your university counseling service, perhaps through a relationship safety group in your town, perhaps with your closest friends. But be discreet in your department. If you need to leave the room when she walks in, just quietly discover a need to visit the bathroom.

"I really respected her when I first started my program and she aggressively pursued a relationship with me-- she even convinced me to change my specializations. I have seen her do this with other students."

There are two ways to interpret this. I think you mean she pursued an academic relationship -- as opposed to romantic or sexual -- but correct me if I'm wrong.

I recommend that you make a clean, complete break. Here are the basic action steps needed, as I see it:

  1. Inform your department head that you are uncomfortable receiving any communications from this prof. Provide three concrete examples of harassment. Including email quotes if possible. Leave out the background info and make it very simple. Ideally, the department head will let the prof know that communication from her would not be welcome. If not, send one short email to the prof with this statement, and don't read her response (see next step).

  2. As someone else suggested, set up a filter to block incoming email from the prof. Since she might try to play mind games with you, but since you might need to have a record of future messages from her, forward all incoming mail from her to a trusted friend (without it ever hitting your inbox). But ask your friend to simply archive the messages without sharing them with you, unless there's something alarming coming in.

  3. (This step is optional) Telephone the graduate advisor in your upcoming department and calmly explain, e.g. "Prof. XX in my department told me she has been contacting you with negative remarks about me. I've informed my department head, Prof. YY, and made him/her aware of the situation. In case Prof. XX contacts you, I wanted to give you a heads-up." This is not something to say over email. If you have trouble reaching him or her, try to leave a message with a secretary, or in the worst case, write a brief email requesting a phone appointment, and mention several chunks of time when you'll be able to take a call and speak discreetly. Again, keep your tone very neutral and leave all the emotions out of it.

At the same time, get discreet support, perhaps through your university counseling service, perhaps through a relationship safety group in your town, perhaps with your closest friends. But be discreet in your department. If you need to leave the room when she walks in, just quietly discover a need to visit the bathroom.

"I really respected her when I first started my program and she aggressively pursued a relationship with me-- she even convinced me to change my specializations. I have seen her do this with other students."

There are two ways to interpret this. I think you mean she pursued an academic relationship -- as opposed to romantic or sexual -- but correct me if I'm wrong.

I recommend that you make a clean, complete break. Here are the basic action steps needed, as I see it:

  1. Inform your department head that you are uncomfortable receiving any communications from this prof. Provide three concrete examples of harassment. Include email quotes if possible. Leave out the background info and make it very simple. Ideally, the department head will let the prof know that communication from her would not be welcome. If not, send one short email to the prof with this statement, and don't read her response (see next step).

  2. As someone else suggested, set up a filter to block incoming email from the prof. Since she might try to play mind games with you, but since you might need to have a record of future messages from her, forward all incoming mail from her to a trusted friend (without it ever hitting your inbox). But ask your friend to simply archive the messages without sharing them with you, unless there's something alarming coming in.

  3. (This step is optional) Telephone the graduate advisor in your upcoming department and calmly explain, e.g. "Prof. XX in my department told me she has been contacting you with negative remarks about me. I've informed my department head, Prof. YY, and made him/her aware of the situation. In case Prof. XX contacts you, I wanted to give you a heads-up." This is not something to say over email. If you have trouble reaching him or her, try to leave a message with a secretary, or in the worst case, write a brief email requesting a phone appointment, and mention several chunks of time when you'll be able to take a call and speak discreetly. Again, keep your tone very neutral and leave all the emotions out of it.

At the same time, get discreet support, perhaps through your university counseling service, perhaps through a relationship safety group in your town, perhaps with your closest friends. But be discreet in your department. If you need to leave the room when she walks in, just quietly discover a need to visit the bathroom.

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aparente001
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