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    Thanks, @jeff-- I won't lie, it has been a trying experience, to say the least. This was in the midst of the death of my younger sibling, too-- this prof doesn't seem to have an empathetic bone in her body. She ate up way too much of my intellectual and emotional energy. Seems she still is! I think you are right, I need to focus on what's next. Thanks again for responding.
    – adspeed
    Commented Apr 12, 2017 at 17:19
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    @adspeed - just to note ... assume that you are dealing with a sociopath (whether she is or not, her behavior is very reminiscent of that), and deal with this accordingly. For example, severing all contact with her is good advice. Not acting on any of her pulling your triggers is another. It seems like she is playing a game to wield her power over you, and it has been working. Leave that part of your life behind, and if need be, protect yourself from further contact or manipulations in any reasonable manner that is required.
    – Dennis
    Commented Apr 13, 2017 at 19:20
  • @adspeed: How is a "professor" of such dejectable character allowed to continue with their job? Commented Apr 15, 2017 at 22:51
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    The OP writes in a subsequent comment that "this professor is prominent in a subfield of my field (which is very small), and she is a low-level organizer for the biggest conference in our field. There is a good chance that she will actively seek me out at this and other conferences". I think this changes a lot the question. Social contact should be kept, but the OP's PhD group is by far the single most important entity now - and in the future.
    – Helen
    Commented Apr 17, 2017 at 4:50