What are the best astronomy jokes you've ever heard? I'm looking for images; however, you can share whatever you like.
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6$\begingroup$ The IAU. There are more jokes about astronomers than about astronomy. $\endgroup$– LocalFluffCommented Feb 3, 2016 at 16:55
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5$\begingroup$ jcdverha.home.xs4all.nl/scijokes is the largest collection I'm aware of. No images though. $\endgroup$– user21Commented Feb 3, 2016 at 16:56
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14$\begingroup$ In space, no one can hear you laugh. @barrycarter That list should be sent as a SETI-message to the aliens. If they don't have a sense of humor, then we better ignore them anyway. $\endgroup$– LocalFluffCommented Feb 3, 2016 at 17:02
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2$\begingroup$ I moved the question to meta because it's definitely off-topic on the regular site, but still interesting enough that it should be appropriate somewhere. $\endgroup$– Donald.McLeanCommented Feb 3, 2016 at 21:15
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2$\begingroup$ You can always count on Sidney Harris. $\endgroup$– DaveCommented Feb 4, 2016 at 0:03
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1$\begingroup$ You can also always count on Randall Munroe. $\endgroup$– David HammenCommented Feb 4, 2016 at 4:30
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1$\begingroup$ Thanks everyone for the links :) Is no earthling interested in posting an answer? $\endgroup$– DumbledoreCommented Feb 4, 2016 at 14:02
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$\begingroup$ How many jokes per answer? $\endgroup$– FeatherballCommented Feb 4, 2016 at 17:24
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6$\begingroup$ @DanielCann 400,000,000,000 would be a good start. $\endgroup$– LocalFluffCommented Feb 4, 2016 at 17:39
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$\begingroup$ @LocalFluff I second that!! $\endgroup$– DumbledoreCommented Feb 4, 2016 at 17:43
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4$\begingroup$ As long as no one starts with: "are you a string theorist?" "No, I'm a frayed knot". $\endgroup$– user21Commented Feb 12, 2016 at 2:13
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21 Answers
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This annoys so many chemists. :)
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1$\begingroup$ This is by far my favourite! $\endgroup$ Commented Aug 11, 2018 at 23:47
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I like this one.
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I dare an "answer". God's finger is a natural joke from the heavens. (Don't take it personally, it is meant to all of us)
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1$\begingroup$ A "positive thinking" interpretation is that it is turned away from us. As in f* all of the universe in that direction. I hope they don't mind, or don't have fingers, rather than having fingers but no minds. Nothing good will come out of this anyway. $\endgroup$ Commented Feb 4, 2016 at 17:44
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1$\begingroup$ Many with a master and even a PhD in astrophysics get a job in finance instead of in science. Because they know how to count numbers and such, which the economists are clueless about. The accountant sums the numbers a thousand and two trillions to two. Two numbers. Each one put in its own account box in the bank's Excel sheet. But considering the in/deflation and the trillions of dollars of dark deficit and the negative interest rate over spacetime, it seems as if the greedy astro students have made society a disfavour. $\endgroup$ Commented Feb 4, 2016 at 17:57
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Three astronomers go out for dinner at a conference - an optical astronomer, an X-ray astronomer and a neutrino astrophysicist.
Incredibly, when the soup arrives, they all have a fly swimming about in it.
The optical astronomer uses his spoon to flip the fly out, splashing a lot of soup all over the table in the process.
The X-ray astronomer carefully fishes out the fly with his spoon, picks out the fly and drops the remaining soup from the spoon back into the bowl.
The neutrino astronomer does the same, but taps the fly vigorously, shouting "spit it out, spit out"!
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What kind of songs do the planets like to sing? Nep-tunes
What does an astronomer blow with gum? Hubbles
A neutrino walks into a bar...and keeps right on going...
Yeah, these were awful but great...
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Quantum mechanics = best mechanics
And this one is on my schools maths classroom
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Poor Disney...
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$\begingroup$ No matter how simpleminded the joke is, if it makes me literally laugh out loud, I am ethically compelled to acknowledge that. I hereby do so acknowledge. $\endgroup$ Commented Jun 5 at 16:23
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A galaxy walks into a tavern. The innkeeper shouts: "Hey you, get out, you're barred!".
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How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
Why does a moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? It’s a little meteor
Why didn’t the Dog Star laugh at the joke? It was too Sirius
What does a star win in a competition? A constellation prize
What’s the worst thing about throwing a party in space? You have to planet
I'm sorry XD
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Two spiral galaxies walk into a bar.
The first one goes up to the bar and asks for two drinks, one for him and one for his friend.
The barman looks suspiciously at the second spiral galaxy and says “I’m sorry but I can’t serve your friend, he’ll have to go.”
The first spiral galaxy complains, “Why can’t you serve him?”
The barman replies, “Because he’s barred.”
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I might aswell add a classic joke.
Did you know entropy used to never be the same?
Here's another one.
What did Heisenberg say to Schrodinger when they were restrained from a fight?
Let me atom!
Atom, at him... I'm so good...
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2$\begingroup$ It took me 5 minutes to get the second joke (even though you explained it at the bottom)....LOL :) $\endgroup$ Commented Feb 8, 2016 at 18:24
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Here’s one:
What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit?… An astronut!
And another!
What is an astronaut’s favorite key on a keyboard?… The space bar.
And one more.. sorry, I love these!:
Why didn’t the sun go to college?… Because it already had a million degrees!
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What was the star's least favorite type of music?
Heavy metal
Iron-ic
A star runs out of hydrogen in its core. When the doctor tells it to start fusing helium, the star says, "I'll try...I'll-pha get. Say it fast to understand. The doctor says "Don't forget ca-feed yourself helium!"
I'm Tauri, these jokes suck
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A geek was hitting on me at the bar. I waved my hand, palm down, across the flat table and said, "What's this?"
He said "what?"
I said, "It's the Fourier transform of THIS," and gave him the finger.
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