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Android Cop (2014)
Bore and disorder with budget RoboCop
'Android Cop' is the progeny of 'Lethal Weapon' and 'RoboCop' on a budget. There's a little more plot structure than usual, and the script is half-decent even if some of the acting is decidedly half-baked.
Good to see former Australian rugby league player Ian Roberts in a minor supporting role as a radiation-infected kingpin of the wasteland (which look like some current public housing districts), and then more prominently, Kadeem Hardison as an LA police officer who along with star Michael Jai White must venture into the quarantine zone where crime is running rampant.
Like many other Asylum pictures, the studio backlots, industrial warehouses and urban alleyways provide unlimited sets depicting 'futuristic' scenery (traffic is clearly visible in some shots) and what those ubiquitous locations can't deliver, amateurish CGI takes care of the rest.
Mediocre mockbuster, with reasonable fight choreography and reasonably assured performances by White, Hardison and Dutton (although Wayne as the titular cyborg is comically wooden), 'Android Cop' is a passable buddy picture that's not great , but not as awful as it could've been under the circumstances.
Road Wars (2015)
Sad max
A group of post-apocalyptic survivors tries to defeat a deadly virus that is turning people into voracious zombies, whilst rival clans battle for supremacy.
It's no 'Mad Max', it's not even unhappy or moderately irritated Max despite some reasonably attractive costumes, stage design and well-engineered audio-visual effects. There are countless Italian-made wasteland movies from the 80's that are superior to this incoherent drivel which lacks imagination and basic plot. Just a series of predictable zombie vs survivor encounters made on a limited budget showcasing tired acting, cliched and illogical action sequences, and less than spectacular stunt-work.
In-fighting causes more fatalities than the zombies which ultimately isn't what we came to see - lots of leather, clown make-up and puerile dialogue with little to recommend.
The House Cleaner (2013)
Out of Africa, Ernie has a PhD in germ warfare
Oddly compelling black comedy features Ernie (Burns), an intense house cleaner whose new client (Pearce) becomes increasingly concerned for her safety (and sanity) after he begins to display strange behaviour. Burns pulls off an especially creepy character, allegedly a former doctor, trained masseuse and master of seven languages with a penchant for histrionics, and an apparent love of fresh tiger prawns which he shares with soap star Bonner in one memorable scene.
His oddball clients are almost as vulgar, as he befriends and befuddles with fuzzy logic and warped perspectives on a range of topics often becoming personal and uncomfortable. I've seen a few of Spano's films now and have become more accustomed to his somewhat loose plot structure and narrative style, there's not much really happening beyond a slightly elevated paranoia and a few cringe-worthy situations (and one or two moving ones as well, e.g. US/AU cabaret singer Delilah playing a rather bittersweet version of herself that reflects her actual career and personal decline), yet it's still very watchable.
The climax is a bit frantic and unexpected, and whilst it's definitely an acquired taste, if you're a fan of 'Prisoner', you should relish the sight of so many alumni (ubiquitous in Spano's films) and also Chantal Contouri as a wise, leopard-print loving casting agent in whom Ernie can confide his bizarre client encounters.
Finding Joy (2011)
Frustrated audience searching for a plotline
Little dialogue in this South Korean melodrama concerning a German writer (Zollner) who becomes enamoured by a Korean dance student, representing a freedom his uptight wife (Shaw) and frustrated career prevents him from attaining.
It's plot-lite, more of an outline or short film in which there's a lot of eating, drinking, merriment (a dash of karaoke also) and then our tortured soul pacing the streets looking for the bright light of which he's lost sight and is desperate to find again. Needed more storyline to occupy its 75-minute duration, there's only so many wistful, longing looks out into the sunset that a film can sustain before it needs something more interesting to happen.
Probably not the ending I was expecting, but perhaps the right outcome all round, which might be disappointing for some, poignant for others. Visually and symbolically emotive, but ultimately lacking substance.
The Dancing Dogs of Dombrova (2018)
Reunited for the last time
Quirky, sometimes moving comedy-drama focuses upon two estranged adult siblings who travel to Poland (although filmed in Romania) to trace a beloved pet which once belonged to their now elderly and ailing grandmother.
Fogler and Nyback make a likeable pair who manage to put aside trivial sibling rivalry long enough to reconcile their relationship, and restore a long-buried memory from their family's past. There's an ensemble of eccentric characters with whom they come into contact, ranging from the surly, mute chauffeur (Doroftei) to a pair of local mafia-esque crooks, and an overly-stimulated vamp (Murarus) eager to get her hooks into a western society male.
Might be ten minutes overlong, the somewhat convoluted plot does occasionally drag with the weight of so many quirky characters and their sometimes sordid backstories to tell, but technically it's well made and the acting is fluid despite some extremely frigid looking conditions in which the action takes place. Original and worth watching.
Ship of Fools (1965)
All aboard the floating sad cafe
Despite being filmed in black and white, this seafaring soap opera offers a spectacular array of colourful international characters each revealing an insecurity despite initial optimistic appearances.
Leigh is perhaps the most poignant (and well-acted), playing an over-the-hill socialite whose faded looks no longer hold the currency she's used to spending. Her tragic self-reflection and the subsequent encounter with the alcoholic Marvin character is this overlong film's highlight in my opinion.
Segal and Ashley also threaten to be better playing a young couple whose rocky marriage might not survive the rough seas, whilst Luna's character gains sympathy as a formerly homeless juvenile now being sold aboard the floating brothel by an unscrupulous pimp who daylights as a flamenco instructor.
It's an interesting concept of dysfunction trapped aboard a 1930s ocean liner where there's little else to do but liquor-up and drown in a torrid sea of lament and sordid sorrows. Fatally overlong, there's moments of brilliance but it's an effort to remain engaged amid an oversupply of melodramatic ballast.
Shoot to Kill (1947)
As crooked as a mountain road
Walters plays a scheming secretary plotting to uncover a powerful criminal syndicate which has infiltrated the corrupt DA's office. Meanwhile newspaperman (Wade) finds himself getting too deep romantically without knowing Walters' true motives.
Economical film noir gets to the point with haste, the relentless pace only punctuated by a series of flash-forwards gradually explaining the somewhat intricate plot. Lots of quick cutting and shot interspersing, shadowy characters pulled into focus and scene wipes keep things brisk as the characters cross and double cross one another until the real heroes emerge just in the nick of time before it all fades to black.
Taut, reasonably well titrated thriller disappointingly ends much too abruptly with an all-too convenient resolution perhaps indicative of the low budget confinement. Notwithstanding, it's an easy-viewing sixty minute pot-boiler light on logic and detail which is to say, what you see is what you get.
Light of Mine (2011)
Never loses sight of what's important
Married couple embark on a life-changing road trip to Yellowstone national park after the husband (Tanzer) is diagnosed with an incurable disease that is rapidly robbing him of his vision, and his livelihood.
Plenty of emotion from both Tanzer and Sanborn as his grieving wife coming to grips with becoming her husband's carer, but the narrative structure is very loose and there's simply not enough plot to go the distance.
Occasionally moving, the performances are committed and sincere, the scenery toward the end is spectacular, but the movie becomes little more than a morose highway postcard. Earnest attempt but needed more storyline to sustain itself, and might have fared better as a short film.
Rachel Getting Married (2008)
Two addicts, one wedding and a funeral
Talky, ultimately pointless 'reality' esque home movie style drama depicts Hathaway as a recovering drug addict trying to make amends for past sins and hold it together for the sake of her sister's wedding. Butting heads with the maid of honour and generally presenting a selfish, immature and unlikeable character for whom it's difficult to have sympathy, Hathaway tests the limits of her acting range in a performance that earned her an Oscar nomination amongst other accolades.
Debra Winger is a bonus in the role of Hathaway's mother who's faced her own struggles (most caused by the wayward Hathaway), whilst the supporting cast all perform their roles with precision timing and a natural-looking ease. Some scenes seem to drag on and on (e.g. The pre- wedding reception), and whilst it's tempting to attribute these long awkward interactions to director Demme's quirky storytelling style, it seems more likely it's just a function of the threadbare plot which sadly offers little more than a mildly tense melodrama, uneven in tone to such an extent it often feels more akin to a romcom.
There's a familiar, well-trod (perhaps even tired) story behind the home video style filter, and it's not without some resonance and technical quality, but overall the plot just seems eternally conflict driven with little else on which to rely but the regular, predictable friction caused by our smart- mouthed, chain-smoking addict and the enormous chip on her shoulder.
Benefited (2019)
Benefited and battered is light on budget, heavy on emotional impact
Generally well photographed and acted, 'Benefited' occasionally struggles with a fragmented narrative which harms continuity, whilst some scenes seem contrived and unrealistic, serving only to bring the central character into the situations in which the drama unfolds (potentially a budget limitation).
Nevertheless, there's a range of very strong themes expressed, and the film manages to evoke sympathy for characters who seem emotionally ill-equipped to deal with their turbulent circumstances, the consequences of their poor decision-making compounding an already bleak existence and now even more depressing outlook.
The actors handle confronting material with focus and professionalism (leading lady McCann in particular shoulders a heavy load both in-front and behind the camera), the escalation of violence extremely difficult to watch but perhaps important to tell.
An ambiguous ending, tenuous connection between the plot threads, and some occasional technical lapses (lighting, sound and framing) fortunately don't diminish the overall impact of a desperately sad tale in which there seems little optimism or hope, a vicious cycle of abuse and more deeply entrenched suffering transcending each generation. Worth a look, but be prepared.
Joe Somebody (2001)
Haymakers heal a heavy heart
Feel-good family fare with Allen playing a middle aged divorcee learning that resistance is mightier than aggression when he finds himself embroiled in a dust-up with a co-worker.
Belushi plays a former action movie star now Allen's savvy martial arts instructor (and life coach), whilst bubbly, optimistic Bowen is the new love interest helping Allen to resurrect his self-esteem.
It's a mild and inoffensive morality tale, ideal family fiction that doesn't become overly preachy or pretentious, despite some occasional over-sentimentality. Likeable characters, functional dialogue and a minimalist, small-scale look (shot on location in Minnesota - Governor Jesse 'The Body' Ventura makes a cameo appearance) make for easy viewing material.
Easy Money (1983)
Have your cake and eat it too
Peak Dangerfield, form that would sadly see him cancelled in a nano-second if filmed today, but contemporaneously the story is the perfect blend of showcasing all the smut and sexism of which his character (Monty Capuletti) is capable of committing whilst simultaneously disapproving it as he tries to abstain from the sordid excesses for a whole year to share in his snobbish mother-in-law's (Fitzgerald) sizeable estate.
Pesci has a prominent early role as Monty's partner in crime, whilst Jennifer Jason Leigh is also cast in a significant part as Monty's newlywed daughter. Candy Azzara plays Monty's long-suffering wife and soon-to-be heiress to the family fortune, whilst there's also parts for two-Toms in Noonan and Ewell, and a pair of Jeffs, Jones and Altman as RDs raucous friends and associates.
The material is intentionally offensive, but the prevailing takeaway that abstinence will somehow lead to health, wealth and wisdom is a nice fantasy in which to indulge, Dangerfield clumsily trying to navigate temptation and fulfil the gluttonous destiny to which he feels he's entitled. Definitely worth a look if you're comfortable with RD's brand of caustic, loutish humour.
The Personals (1982)
Looking for love in all the wrong places
I remember this on VHS back in the day. It struck me as a very sincere, realistic take on a second-time singleton looking for love in the personal ads, running the gauntlet as he encounters hopeless romantics and casual one-night stands.
A small, independent film with a memorable, big-budget soundtrack (full of Nicolette Larson tracks), wry, dry dialogue, and immaculate performances by a cast I didn't recognise. Funny, sad, bittersweet at times, it all seems charmingly real and uninhibited.
Schoppert and Landry have genuine chemistry, and plenty of quality material to work with, including an array of eccentric /neurotic suitors (and supporters) each doing their level best to find a perfect match, within their social means. Modest, humble and long-neglected rom-com is definitely worth revisiting.
Stitches (1985)
Not another physical examination
I wasn't in stitches watching this sordid teen sex-comedy, but it did offer more than a few chuckles as Stevenson and fellow interns (including Brian Tochi) get up to the usual hijinks during their medical training.
It's no more or less entertaining than others of the ilk ('Hot Chili', 'Private School' or even 'Police Academy'), and certainly no more offensive in context. Likeable characters, veteran cast (Eddie Albert, Geoffrey Lewis and Sydney Lassick), solid acting and plenty of puerile gags aimed squarely at the teenage male audience who'll appreciate the casual plot structure and cheeky antics.
Fun, easy viewing if you're familiar with this sub-genre and don't have high expectations.
Night of Fear (1973)
Running from the madman, must contend with the rats
Pursued by madman (Yemm) after making a wrong turn, young secretary Hoogeveen finds herself at the mercy of the elements (and animals) in this taut Ozploitation thriller that's light on detail but entertaining nonetheless.
Virtually no dialogue is spoken, instead set design, makeup and location cinematography are the stars whilst the usually conservative Yemm (formerly one of the lead detectives from TV's 'Homicide') is cast as a backwoods tramp with just one thing on his mind (besides eating rats). TV soap star Behets also appears in the beginning as an ill-fated saddler.
Terry Bourke's first Australian theatrical film doesn't even make feature length at just under an hour head to tail, yet displays enough mindless mayhem to kickstart a career that would soon see the under appreciated horror-western 'Inn of the Damned', and then the more commercially successful 'Lady Stay Dead' for the 80s video market. Quick and dirty, but definitely worth a look.
Penguin Bloom (2020)
Learning to fly again
Watts plays a formerly active mother who becomes a paraplegic after a fall, dealing with the loss of her independence and former self, learning to adapt to her situation with the aid of an orphaned magpie which has befriended her children.
Watts seems realistic in her angst and Weaver plays the well-meaning mother with her trademark working-class expression and emotion. The magpie(s) is surprisingly well disciplined, hitting its marks and delivering chirpy dialogue with deft timing. There's also a tautly choreographed magpie cockfight which panics the people into an hysterical flurry as beaks-bite and feathers-fly.
Based on a true story that's narratively simple and offers no surprises, 'Penguin Bloom' is a timid, inoffensive family drama, well-acted and scripted, with attractive scenery and a watchable pace despite a thin plot.
Submerged (2011)
She sees dead people
As other reviewers have remarked, 'Submerged' is pretty good initially at building tension as the heroine (Roberts) begins to experience shocking supernatural encounters with apparently drowned schoolgirls (are they figments of her imagination or victims of some sinister crime), but the story soon drifts off course becoming a surrealist experiment that lacks coherency. The climax - whilst still reasonably violent - opts to forego a conventional crowd-pleasing ending for something more cerebral which might not satisfy all tastes.
Semi professional acting and cinematography although some of the location work was effective, albeit the topography didn't always match e.g. In one scene there's mangroves and then a suburban-looking creek, although it was sometimes difficult to distinguish what was being imagined vs what was reality (which I also experienced during the gaol scenes near the end when McCallum is being released).
Sometimes eerie, the film creates tension but fails to deliver tangible shocks, preferring abstract visuals to on-screen violence with a couple of minor exceptions when Roberts is being pursued at the film's climax. I wasn't always certain if what I was seeing was deliberately illogical, or just the consequence of a nano-budget and under-developed plot; there was certainly some atmosphere at times, and the main character's apparent ESP abilities was an interesting premise, but overall it had the look and feel of a student film, lacking plot detail and technical polish.
Crossplot (1969)
Moore's 007 audition is a corny crossword caper
Uneven but hopelessly enjoyable espionage themed action thriller in which advertising executive Moore becomes embroiled in a bizarre assassination plot involving a food-obsessed Hungarian aspiring model.
Moore is dashing and has plenty of opportunity to flex his movie muscle after years on the small screen, sharing good chemistry with Belgian siren Lange showing she's more than an attractive handbag, with an appetite to match.
Appealing international cast includes American Martha Hyer as Moore's casual love interest and chief enabler of the conspiracy, Bernard Lee her power-hungry father whilst Dudley Sutton has a minor role early-on as a creepy stagehand. Sharp eyes might also recognise Norman Eshley ('George & Mildred') as one of the militant protestors, and Dave Prowse ('Darth Vader') in a non-speaking part playing the best man at the wedding Moore & Lange crash.
Like a bigger budgeted episode of 'The Avengers', Rackoff's action-comedy-thriller contains comic-style plot, characters, props and TV production values (e.g. Lots of acting in front a rear projection screen) that's essentially nonsense though undeniably entertaining. If it weren't for the subsequent big screen fame Moore achieved, 'Crossplot' would be a long-dismissed obscurity, and whilst its thin on details it is however providing Moore with a timely audition for the coveted 007 role he would eventually own just a few years later.
Treasure Island (1972)
Latin Treasure Island does Welles enough
Italo-Spanish version of the Robert Louis Stevenson classic tale features a relatively small role for Orson Welles as Long John Silver his voice dubbed by Robert Reitty, much less energetic than Newton was in the role, with Burfield well-cast as young Jim Hawkins and Jean Lefebvre as shipwrecked former pirate Ben Gunn going under the radar, helping Jim secure the island's treasure. Ubiquitous Spanish villain Aldo Sambrell is also on deck as Israel Hands, second in charge of the invading pirates.
Nice location cinematography, sound, stunt-work (the chase up the ship's mast features a death defying fall) and set design, the film is rated G, but seemed more than just a shade darker than a straightforward kid's film, with violence potentially too strong for younger children.
At times I thought it more reminiscent in the tone of 'Light at the Edge of the World' than a boys own adventure, but it's enjoyable as a lower budget foreign offering, and always compelling just to see what Welles does with the role. He's more cerebral than physically imposing, cunning without being outright thuggish - his crew on the other hand are a particularly rugged and ugly-looking breed, kudos to the casting and makeup departments.
Night of the Living Deb (2015)
One night stand becomes the last stand as zombies overrun Portland
Better than I expected remake (of sorts) of 'Shaun of the Dead' starring Thayer playing an awkward but plucky camera operator trapped with her one night stand (Cassidy) after the State is overrun by a water-borne virus that turns victims into flesh eating zombies.
Ray Wise co-stars as Cassidy's connected father, partially responsible for the outbreak, and then Brister is a scene stealer as Thayer's indecorous best friend, in some ways reminiscent of Nick Frost's character in SotD. Sacca is also amusing as the sarcastic military contractor hired to prevent the virus from escaping Maine.
Despite being a loose translation of SotD for American audiences, Thayer is likeable, the pace is constant and although low budget, it's technically well-made with witty dialogue and plenty of visual gags to keep the audience amused. Low on the romcom factor, higher on the gore and better for it overall.
Boronia Boys (2009)
Trading scraps for two tickets to paradise
A pair of bogans (Nugent and Burns) dream of holidaying overseas, using money they're making selling junk they find to finance their trip. Whilst Nugent is content to settle for the trip of a lifetime seemingly unaware how long it will take to fund such an adventure, Burns on the other hand yearns for something more than his hometown has to offer, which causes conflict between the two mates.
The scene in which Burns' character picks an ill-advised stoush with a random stranger is the immortal moment in this film - the beating and its sickeningly funny aftermath galvanise the despair experienced by the character and his rather hopeless existence. Utterly down and out.
Director Spanos continues his trend of using former 'Prisoner' actors in his projects, here Elspeth Ballantyne and Reylene Pearce co-star whilst Klibingaitis plays Nugent's girlfriend, nervous about a minor ruse she's maintained claiming to be much younger than she really is, and fellow alumni Desiree Smith is Burns' sympathetic girlfriend in whom he confides his trepidations.
Not too sure how compelling the message being awkwardly conveyed by the eccentric children's clown actress (former soap star Foster, who had also appeared in 'Prisoner') to a despondent Nugent really was at the bus stop, but her offbeat cameo was memorable even it perhaps lacked the gravity it was intended to carry.
Ultra low budget independent film makes good use of its suburban location, and whilst unlikely to reach a mainstream audience, in context it's mildly entertaining if somewhat talky at times.
Traffik (2018)
Rednecks ruin romantic getaway
Violent tale of a sex slavery syndicate operating in a supposedly remote area where a couple (Epps and Patton) happen to be holidaying after she's fired from her job as a journalist.
Patton invests a lot in an apparently physically taxing role, but the movie is just formulaic, full of cliches and contains no real surprises. Pyle is also effective as the corrupt sheriff and if you turn up late, you'll miss veteran Fichtner in a small, inconsequential part playing Payton's boss early in the film.
Suspenseful at times, 'Traffik' is an average action thriller in two acts, the first is melodramatic soap opera as the couples analyse their relationships, before things turn sour when they stumble upon the slavery ring, which might've been credible had it been set more remotely, and smaller in scale. As it stands, the body count becomes hyperbolic and the film loses touch with reality, the contrived climax predictable and lacking imagination.
Mrs. Worthington's Party (2007)
Parish toe cutter on the road to redemption
Robert Redford doppelgänger Wall stars as a stony faced, self-confessed misanthrope Catholic priest Father Keene sent to wind-up an underperforming parish the week before Christmas. But after meeting the mysterious local librarian (real life wife Wall) he begins to realise there's more to living than fire and brimstone. It soon becomes apparent that Father Keene is harbouring a deep secret that is fuelling his social withdrawal, but a little Christmas miracle might just be able to coax him from self-imposed emotional exile.
Faith films are fine, but this was just tedious and boring. Listening to the locals audition for their Yuletide stage show is only slightly less painful than watching Wall and local pastor Brennan engage in dull, semi intellectual conflict about what the local community need to fulfil their spiritual quota. The epiphany Wall's character undergoes transforming him from supercilious razor man into a born again believer, is a decent enough plot, but it's hard work getting there.
Is it a Christmas movie, a human drama, a galvanising of moral fibres or just righteous bilge I couldn't decide. What I am confident in saying is that the relatively minor moral dilemmas it presents and the heavy-handedness with which they're dramatised made it feel more like Sunday school than supposedly modest matinee entertainment.
My Daddy's in Heaven (2017)
In God we trust
Heavy handed tale of a Texas, god-fearing widower (Gotzon) who must find herself, her faith and the bottom of the bottle after the sudden death of her husband, despite pleas from her father to stay and look after her young daughter on the family farm.
Bernsen plays the old salt himself recently widowed, still struggling with his own grief, whose rugged exterior hides a warm centre searching for a way to reunite his remaining family. I wasn't entirely sure of the purpose of the Lorenzo Lamas cameo, as heart-wrenching as his character's tale may be, it seemed superfluous and failed to really connect with the rest of the plot whilst Lee Benton provides much needed comic relief amid all the misery, making jelly pies and other kitchen disasters.
Reversing Gotzon and Morrison's roles at the end of the movie is sweet salvation, but the bus-ride epiphany that gets us there felt somewhat contrived. Pretentious dialogue (e.g. In reference to the man upstairs 'alI I did was give, and all he did was take') and a character spiral that's desperately cliched leave this faith-based feel-good film overbearing and underwhelming in spite of its good intentions.
Vineland (2016)
The wedding crasher
If the reported $40k budget is reliable, then the makers should be immensely proud of what they've achieved on such a scant budget. Notwithstanding the budget constraints, 'Aberrant' doesn't quite live up to the simmering tension projected throughout. An existential thriller or psychological drama involving too many sub plots and elaborate backstories that are never properly addressed nor resolved.
Well-acted, Magnusson in particular plays the part of the anxious bridezilla well, whilst junior Quaid gives one of the most cringeworthy best man speeches on record. Veteran Roger Robinson plays the concerned priest presiding over the happy (?) couple's nuptials in his final film appearance, and Tibor Feldman has a cameo late in the picture playing Quaid's abusive father, but whilst their strained relationship hints at past sins, its ambiguous.
Sincere effort shows technical competence and features realistic dialogue, but disappointingly the central plot goes nowhere, leaving the audience without resolution, the fate of Quaid's character (and the complex lives of the other characters previewed) left to the imagination. It's got hooks, but ultimately lacks focus.