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Reviews
All You Need Is Death (2023)
Death By Mollasses
Holy Crow this is a horrible movie. It's interminably slow. Never really gets going.
I get the feeling g the director thinks he's the next David Lynch, but to be that you need talent. And he has none.
It's sort of an unfolding mystery that has more layers than an onion and stinks twice as much.
The "actors" deliver their lines in monotone which makes watching this flick even more excruciating.
According to IMBD, this movie made about seven grand off a budget of around 200K US. There is no wonder no one went to see it. It's genuinely unwatchable. And this is coming from someone who is a fan of Irish horror flicks.
Miss it. It won't miss you.
Rather (2023)
Skip the Lie
There is no way this doc is a 7.5 rating unless some funny business is going on with the reviews. My HONEST review: This documentary is horrible.
It's poorly put together, makes little sense and is filled with lies about Rather who was fired from CBS and now is relegated to interviewing people on a cable channel no one has.
He's yesterday's fish and chips paper but this poorly constructed documentary wants you to think he's in a "resurgence." He's not.
So the documentary goes on like that, peppered with bad interviews and false "facts" over and over until you start wondering who put the money up for this stuff?
In a Violent Nature (2024)
Don't Buy the Hype -- This One Stinks!
I was REALLY looking forward to seeing this one due to all the hype about being so different and so frightening. Well I bit the hook line and sinker. And now I want my 90 minutes back.
Some reviews talk about how "different" this movie is. Yeah, it sucks. It's not scary, there is no tension whatsoever and to sum it up in a sentence, it's about a Jason character who walks real slow and kills various people. You can run from him but even though he's slower than a turtle he will get you.
I was being driven insane with how bad this movie is. I did a lot of thinking about it and I am convinced that the people who actually claim to like it were higher than a kite when they saw it. That's the only way they could possibly say this crap was good.
Model House (2024)
An Embarrassment
Full disclosure: I only watched this to see hot chick in skimpy bikinis.
Well I got that but I got something else. The worst acting I have ever seen in my entire life. I have never ever seen such amateurish delivery of lines ever before.
Now admittedly the script is written this way (i.e. BADLY), but someone had to give the script a green light and come up for the money to make this garbage.
Nobody talks like these characters and it's clear from the very beginning that the writer is living in some sort of dark basement away from civilization and has no clue how to write dialog.
Hands down, the worst movie I've seen all year, bikinis or not.
Midnight Peepshow (2022)
Is the Paint Dry Yet?
This is a pretty bad movie that is so slow, you'll be nodding off within 3 minutes. Who knew London had peep shows? I've been there a zillion times and never passed one.
No worries, since the movie itself makes no sense, why should the premise? It's really coming from the dreggs of movie making.
The unfolding is so convoluted I am hard-pressed to know what the over arching plot is, except that there appears to be this midnight peepshow that operates as an excuse for individual stories, all different, but appearing to be about deviant sex.
Only it's boring. And absolutely none of it makes any sense.
Midnight (1982)
Don't Look for Acting
The premise of this movie doesn't seem to make sense. The very first scene a family group, mother and kids, come upon a screaming girl inn a bear trap (this acting has to be the worst you will ever see -- she has to stick her tongue out to scream and it's ridiculous). The mother keeps saying they have to kill the demon even tho the kids recognize her as a local girl. But nooo, demons can take the place of real humans so they kill the demon. Only wait a second. They cart her back to some dungeon and it turns out they are praying to Satan. How does that make sense? Kill a demon for Satan? Wouldnt Satan create the demon?
So there you have the movie. The next 90 minutes are more of the same. It's just plain bad. The acting is non-existent and the characters are dumb. Including the drunk step father cop who is knocked unconscious with the light tap of a small portable radio that barely touches him.
It's really horrible.
Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead (2024)
Unwatchable
I suggest the kids in Hollywood get off TikTok and start reading some books because there is ZERO creativity these days.
This is yet another remake of a classic comedy that they ruined with complete incompetence.
It doesn't have any of the sharp humor of the original and they rely on shaded racism for some (non)-laughs.
Hard to believe but the story line is about 5 times more boring than the original. And whomever directed this really needs to get an Uber job because it sucks.
And that brings us to the "acting." There is none. These are basically waiters and waitresses who somehow got a leg up and were put into this fiasco.
It's not worth your time. And shame on them for making it.
Mean Girls (2024)
Glad I Didn't See This On Broadway
Wow. This horrible musical is nearly unwatchable. The songs are just dismal and invariably comes complete with hopping nutbags in the back ground. It makes you wonder if Tina fey is lampooning her own original movie because no sane person would write this garbage.
I cannot overemphasize how bad this movie/musical is. I was spacing out after the second tune. The acting is dismal, the numbers are just the pits.
It looks like they spent a lot of money making this movie and one can only hope it bombed big time so something as atrocious as this is never made again.
Not one tune is memorable, but they all are laughable.
The Watchers (2024)
Derivative
M. Knight Shama Longa DingDong's daughter who wrote and directed this mess basically stole the concept from the first two seasons of the TV series "From."
Yes, it's not exactly like From, but it sure is close enough.
And honestly, that kind of ruins the movie because there are so many scenes that you have basically already seen if you watched the 2 seasons of From.
Too bad and too sad. I was bored through quite a bit because of this. Plus there are so many plot holes you will start thinking this movie was made in Switzerland and you are watching Swiss cheese.
Overall, it was a VERY disappointing outing.
Don't Suck (2023)
Surprisingly Decent
I almost didn't watch this video because of the low score it's getting. Is it a great movie? Nope. It's kinda weird, the story is oddball, but somehow it works in a very strange way.
Dialog here and there are genuinely funny.
I can see why some people wouldn't like this movie too much. The vampire character has a strange delivery. But for me, that's what makes it work.
I was put off by the character in the beginning, but the delivery of his lines grew on me as the movie went on. Overall, it's a simple story that follows some of the typical Hollywood conventions of movie making.
In all, if you have some free time and want something that doesn't require a lot of you, give it a shot.
Domina Nocturna (2021)
How Horrible
This is a strange movie. It's basically a goth chick wandering around, sometimes in black and white, other times in color, but always in scenes that are so dark you can barely see what's happening.
She's on a bridge, she's in some dungeon, you name it she wanders and meets what are supposed to be a bunch of female vampires and some Satanists.
There is no dialog whatsoever in this movie. Just a goth girl wandering. Hard to say how good or bad the acting is because no one acts. They just wander.
I think this is an all girl cast because i dont remember any dudes and the girls have some pretty nice nudity going on as they wander, but the movie is horrible. It reminds me of Kenneth Anger's Lucifer Rising in that it can be described more as a music video than a story. And that's why I gave it two stars. The music track is pretty cool, just like in Lucifer Rising. Other than that, it sucks.
Dolemite (1975)
It Doesn't Get Much Better Than This
Dolemite could possibly be the best example of blaxploitation/exploitation/grind-house movies of the 70's.
Yep, the acting is horrible. Yep, the story is dumb. Yep, the dialog is even dumber. Yes, the music is cheesy. And yes, the direction is rudy-mentary.
But it all works in such aa wonderful way. You won't be able to take your eyes off the screen and you won't find a better example of this genre. It's darn near perfect.
Rudy Ray Moore was quite a character who can never be duplicated. (BTW Eddie Murphy's bio pic of him was pretty good too). The guy had charisma that is hard to emulate. It's gotta come natural.
Dicks: The Musical (2023)
WTF 2.0
Who backed this crap?
How did this movie even get thru the pitch?
Think about it. They had to pitch this baby, get approval in an environment where movies never get approved and scripts linger for decades.
Then they had to write the script, the music, the lyrics. They had to get actors and rehearse them, Get a director to put this down on film. And hopefully make some money.
Only it didn't. Some dummy plinked down around fourteen million to net less than two so there were no profits.
And of course there were no profits. This is an epic disaster that should never have gotten a green light.
The Watermelon Woman (1996)
A Textbook Lesson in Bad Filmmaking
First of all I initially thought this was a documentary on a 1930's black actress. It's not. It's a poorly made poorly executed poorly written, poorly acted piece of garbage.
If you would like to know how to make a completely bad movie, start here. It's a virtual textbook in crappy filmmaking. It's slower than slow and the budget literally looks like it was maybe a thousand bucks. Come on, how did this get good reviews? Well, we know why, but come one folks, be honest.
IT SUCKS.
It's amazing that this flick is still around for viewing. It's that bad. And BTW, it's not bad in a good way. It's just plain bad. Don't bother.
Night Shift (2023)
They Twist Takes the Wind Out of Its Sails
This is a slow burn horror mystery about a girl who gets a night shift job at a psycho-like motel. There is only one guest when she starts and soon she believes that a guy who killed her family years ago, is stalking her there. She also comes to believe the place is haunted.
It's not a bad movie. It's pretty watchable even though it takes its time moving the action forward. The acting is good, even if you will be wondering why everyone is talking so slow and is so weird.
It's fairly well and competently directed and the story is sort of interesting. Until we get toward the end and there's this twist. I didn't predict it, but it's a bit of a let down.
And wait! It's not over. They capped another 10 minutes when the movie is over just in case you didnt get enough of the shenanigans.
It's probably worth a watch if you have nothing to do. It won't scare the pants off you and I was wishing the pants were scared off the female lead because she's kinda crazy hot.
Legend of the Naked Ghost (2017)
What did I Watch?
First of all, the version of this I saw ran 60 minutes not 40 and tacked onto it was a ten minute animated short whose plot I cannot describe because it was too convoluted.
And frankly, I wanted to get to Bridgett B., with whom my left hand has been in love with for quite some time. Whatever happened to her? Did she drop out after having a kid? I dunno but I haven't been getting my exercise in for a few years.
Turns out, I'm not sure what the plot to this one is either. And without the nudity, which seems to be mostly cut out, it's really not worth watching at all.
The ancillary cast can't act and the direction is horrible. Needless to say, there is no script. And considering this flick is only 60 minutes, one has to wonder why they cut in 30 minutes of a black haired chick in a full one piece bathing suit washing an old car. It has nothing to do with anything.
Garbage.
Dead Again (1991)
Was This a Satire?
I was excited to view this movie, given all the amazing reviews it gets after being out so many years. All I can say is I was severely disappointed and that's putting it mildly.
Is the movie simply dated? I don't think so. I think that it's just bad.
It sort of wants to be a neo-film-noir but it doesn't even come close. It's really poorly directed. It reminded me of a bad C level TV movie.
And then there's Emma Thompson, a great actress, who is forced to over act at a level that is cringe worthy.
The story line had zero interest to me and because Branagh is clueless in the director department, I was left confused most of the and unwilling to try to make sense of this mess.
Highly overrated.
Intruder (1989)
6.1 for THIS Mess?
I'm willing to bet money that this movie currently has a 6.1 rating because Sam Rami and Bruce Campbell are in it. Briefly.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of both and I think Same Rami is a great director. But this movie isn't an especially strong example of the slasher genre.
It's slow, filled with false starts and stops, the acting is rather poor, the music soundtrack is bad. And of course, worst o all, it's clearly a super low budget flick.
Low budget flicks can be wonderful. Think Texas Chainsaw Massacre. But you need a truly competent director and story. This movie doesn't check off those bixes.
Sugar (2024)
A Good Show is Ruined at Episode Six
This was a good show for nearly six of the eight episodes. It's an interesting take on a private detective with a comprehensive knowledge of languages and Hollywood movies looking for the granddaughter of a Hollywood mogul who has disappeared without a trace.
The episodes are pretty good -- not superb, but pretty good -- until the end of episode six when the show takes a totally bizarre and oddball turn.
The next two episodes are literally idiotic and ruin the entire series. I'm not going to tell you the "twist." See it for yourself and be prepared for a major letdown.
It's really unfortunate. What could of been a good neo-film noir turned into a joke.
I would have given this series a 7.5 if it wasn't ruined by the plot twist.
Hell Up in Harlem (1973)
Downright Horrible
A Samuel Z. Arkoff exploitation special from the 1970's feature the worst acting you will ever see on the silver screen.
You cannot imagine how totally bad this movie is. But it doesn't stop with the acting. The sound effects are laughable. The guns are absurdly loud and the slap and fights sound like this is out of a Three Stooges short.
The storyline is ridiculous. A lot of the dialog seems like it's dubbed. When guns are fied sparks fly out like it's the fourth of July.
I was completely mortified at how bad this movie was. And frankly, a lot of it looked like it was filmed without proper permits on the streets of NYC.
The Acolyte (2024)
Absolute Garbage
Wow who thought a Star Wars series could sink so low? Take a solid movie that has spanned the test of time and water it down until you can't recognize it anymore at all.
That's what you get. It's cheaply made. And poorly written. Disney should be embarrassed that junk like this is being ground out of their studios like chopped meat. None of it makes sense.
The acting is the poorest too.
Trust me, you will hate this series. I made it to episode three and I won't be watching another. Episode three had to hands down be the most boring piece of garbage ever laid down in television history.
It's sad what Disney did to Walt and Lucas's dreams.
No Hard Feelings (2023)
D-Level Comedy
Thoroughly dumb and horrible alleged "comedy." Jennifer Lawrence has finally found her place in life. At the bottom of the dregs of gratuitous unfunny "C" level movie making.
She's got a great body but can't act. These types of films will be her money making milieu from here on out.
Here's an example of how low in comedy this movie has gone:
"Why do you want a dog?"
"Because I can't have dogs on my own."
Funny? Not in the slightest.
Or how about:
"You can finish alone, right? Bet you do it all the time."
It's horrendous. Lawrence has no sense of comedy or comedy timing. She's horrible. And so's this movie.
Big shock -- The male parent is unrecognizable. I kept saying who is that guy, he looks familiar. Mathew Broderick!
Civil War (2024)
I was Bored Out of My Mind
How did this movie get such great reviews? It actually sucks. It will bore the life out of you.
Yes, it looks good and yes the acting is good.
But the writing and story line is idiotic. California and Texas have somehow banded together to leave the union. Does THAT make sense? Of course not.
And all the fighting takes place in NYC and other points East. Huh? Disconnect central for those of use who aren't stoned.
Then there's the photo journalists. What newspapers or internet is still working? Plus, this crew is using cameras with FILM!!!! Who does that since the 90's? And why don't they run out of film since each cartridge only holds 36 photos.
And there is zero character development. This crew exactly is the same when it ends as it started.
It's a completely moronic movie that I hated.
The Gentlemen (2024)
Seven Great Episodes.....
The is really a well done series. Interesting story-line that stays interesting episode after episode.
The characters are really compelling and keep your interest. Great directions. Great script writing. Every one of seven episodes is like a full length motion picture in it's quality and entertainment value.
I couldn't wait to view each episode . Apparently this is based off some movie or is the movie based of this? Doesn't matter, Guy Ritchie did A super great job creating a spectacularly great mini-series.
Now the down side -- the last episode is a bit of a dud which is why I said there were seven great episodes, not eight. Yes, it ties everything together, but is was a bit disappointing to me.
Kokomo City (2023)
What a Bore
The movie purports to profile some trans sex workers and their trials and tribulations. What it succeeds to do is put the watcher to sleep.
The told stories are clearly manufactured in that they make no sense whatsoever. One of the girls gives her name (first and last) and then says she doesn't want to give her middle name! Ooooo! That's a BIG secret. NOT.
It's ridiculous and you have to sit through this poor excuse for a documentary for an hour and twelve minutes.
The third girl says she worked at a "very famous" restaurant before she got into sex work. I never heard of the place.
Each conversation -- which is rendered annoying by the director finding it necessary to re-enact scenes with really bad actors.
It doesn't take long to figure out the problems these girls have are in their heads and the chips are totally on their own shoulders.