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Click: The Forces Behind How We Fully Engage with People, Work, and Everything We Do Kindle Edition
In a word, you “click.”
From the bestselling authors of Sway, Click is a fascinating psychological investigation of the forces behind what makes us click with certain people, or become fully immersed in whatever activity or situation we’re involved in.
From two co-workers who fall head over heels for each other while out to dinner and are married a month later (and fifteen years later remain just as in love), to a team of scientists who changed the world with the magic of their invention, these kinds of peak experiences, when our senses are completely focused on the moment, are something that individuals—and companies—strive to achieve. After all, when you’re in the “zone,” you’re happier and more productive. Why is it that we click in certain situations and with certain people, but not with others? Can this kind of magical connection be consciously encouraged? Is there a way to create such peak experiences, whether on a date or in your job?
According to Ori and Rom Brafman, there is.
In a powerful, story-driven narrative that weaves together cutting-edge research in psychology and sociology, the Brafmans explore what it means to “click”: the common factors present when our brain and senses are fully engaged. They identify five “accelerators” that increase the likelihood of these kinds of magic connections in our work and relationships.
From actors vying for a role on a popular TV series to police officers negotiating with hostage takers, we learn how one can foster an environment where we can click with another person and shape our thinking, behavior, and emotions.
A fascinating journey into how we engage with the world around us, Click will transform our thinking about those moments when we are in the zone and everything seems to fall into place.
Acclaim for Sway:
“A provocative new book about the psychological forces that lead us to disregard facts or logic and behave in surprisingly irrational ways.” –New York Times
“A unique and compulsively readable look at unseen behavioral trends.” –Fortune
"A breathtaking book that will challenge your every thought, Sway hovers above the intersection of Blink and Freakonomics."--Tom Rath, coauthor of the New York Times #1 bestseller How Full Is Your Bucket?
“[An] engaging journey through the workings—and failings—of the mind…Their stories of senselessness…are as fascinating as the lessons we learn from them.” –Fast Company
"Count me swayed--but in this instance by the pull of entirely rational forces. Ori and Rom Brafman have done a terrific job of illuminating deep-seated tendencies that skew our behavior in ways that can range from silly to deadly. We'd be fools not to learn what they have to teach us."--Robert B. Cialdini, author of New York Times bestseller Influence
"If you think you know how you think, you'd better think again! Take this insightful, delightful trip to the sweet spot where economics, psychology, and sociology converge, and you'll discover how our all-too-human minds actually work."--Alan M. Webber, founding editor of Fast Company
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherCrown Currency
- Publication dateJune 3, 2010
- File size1652 KB
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Editorial Reviews
From Publishers Weekly
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
From the Hardcover edition.
About the Author
Rom Brafman holds a Ph.D. in psychology and has taught university courses in personality and personal growth. His current research interests focus on the dynamics of interpersonal relationships. He has a private practice in Palo Alto, California.
From the Trade Paperback edition.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
CHAPTER 1
Finding Magic
Sitting by the pool at a Pasadena hotel, Paul was about to do something impulsive, even by his standards.
The Southern California evening breeze was starting to pick up. Anyone within earshot of Paul and the woman sitting across from him at the poolside table would have thought they’d known each other for years, although the pair had met only two days prior. They talked about everything from world travel to the 1970s antiwar movement to Socratic philosophy; their conversation had a casual, easy flow to it. Watching the two of them— Nadia with her fine Mediterranean features and striking jet- black hair and Paul with his rugged, all- American looks— one had a sense that they fi t together. It was as if each was attuned to what the other was thinking. One moment they were laughing at embarrassing childhood stories and the next they were finishing each other’s sentences. If there’s such a thing as synergy between two people, it seemed almost palpable here.
One would never have suspected that the two were ostensibly meeting for work. At the time, Paul was in charge of the proposal for a $15 billion project to clean up a nuclear weapons facility in Colorado. To help put the proposal together, Paul had assembled experts from around the world. The team had taken over an office building in Pasadena; the work was so intense that the office remained open 24/7. It was Paul’s role to make sure all the countless moving parts worked together. But he was used to this level of intensity. A former officer in the army’s special forces, Paul was trained to make split- second decisions, and he has the kind of personality people instinctively respond to— he is a natural leader. In conversation, he focuses intently on the other person’s every word, making it clear he’s fully present and is listening carefully.
Every morning at exactly 8:15 a.m., Paul assembled the top executives from the team to brief them about the strategy for the day. The meeting several days ago, though, had been different. From the beginning, Paul was keenly aware of the new team member, Nadia. “I immediately thought, Who is that?” He found himself instantly attracted to her. Nadia’s initial reaction to Paul seemed to be very different, however. It was her first day on the job. Her vacation in Paris had been abruptly cut short so that she could fl y to Pasadena and take over as the project’s chief operating officer. If that hadn’t soured her mood enough, Paul made a comment during the meeting— seemingly out of left field— that soured it further.
“I uttered something about there being nothing new in human relations since the time of Plato, Aristotle, and Socrates,” he recalled. “I don’t even remember why.”
A few minutes later, as Paul stood before the group, he noticed out of the corner of his eye a folded note being passed from person to person. As he continued speaking, the note eventually made its way to him. He unfolded it and read the first line: “I completely disagree with you.” The hand- scrawled note went on for an entire page. But it was unsigned. He looked up, searching for a nod from the note’s author. But all he got were blank stares. Only after the meeting had ended and the rest of his staff had fi led out of the room did Nadia walk up to Paul.
Remembers Nadia, “Here we haven’t met yet, and I just wrote him a note that said, ‘I don’t agree with you; what about the change in master- slave relations and relationships between men and women? There have been so many advances in society since then. How can you make such a comment? I’d like to discuss this with you.’ ”
Paul, instead of becoming defensive, was intrigued. “I’d like to continue the conversation with you,” he told her.
“Anytime,” she fired back.
Twelve hours later they were sitting by the pool.
They had told themselves that they intended to use the time not just to resolve the argument but also to delve into some important work issues. Work, however, never came up during their conversation together. Toward the end of the evening, the intensity of their interaction was difficult to ignore.
“Are we going to end up getting in trouble?” Paul asked Nadia, realizing that they were letting work get away from them.
“Yes,” she said simply. It was clear to her from the beginning that there was something special between them. “The moment he made that comment about Plato and Aristotle,” she told us, “I knew. What we valued in life was very much the same, as were the things we thought were trivial. Who’s outrageous enough to even bring up Plato and Aristotle in the middle of a strategy session? I mean, what does anybody who’s in there know about Plato and the Greeks, or care about them? He had that courage to be different.”
Having accomplished little of the work they had been planning to do, the pair decided to meet again the following night by the pool. And it was then that it happened. Paul looked at Nadia and asked, “What would you say if I told you that I loved you and wanted to marry you?”
Nadia retorted, “Is that a hypothetical or is that an offer?”
Paul said, “Let’s see what tomorrow brings.”
Let’s hit the pause button here. First, it’s worth noting that Paul and Nadia weren’t teenagers driven by hyperactive hormones. They were seasoned business executives. Like most of us, when they met a new person, they usually spent their first moments sizing each other up, searching for something to talk about: Where are you from? What kind of work do you do?
Occasionally, though, an introduction to someone new is more intense and intimate from the get- go. Maybe we share the same sense of humor or we admire the other individual’s personality or passion. Or we immediately sense that we can just be ourselves around that person. Things feel right; we hit it off. There is an immediate sense of familiarity and comfort. Conversation flows easily, without embarrassing pauses or self- consciousness. In essence, we click.
This book is about those mysterious moments— when we click in life. Those moments when we are fully engaged and feel a certain natural chemistry or connection with a person, place, or activity.
In its simplest terms, clicking can be defined as an immediate, deep, and meaningful connection with another person or with the world around us. Typically, it takes weeks or months before most of us feel truly comfortable with a new person. We have to gain the other person’s trust, and he or she needs to gain ours. We need to find a common language, understand each other’s quirks, and establish an emotional bond. But sometimes this process is greatly accelerated, and the connection seems to form almost magically and instantaneously.
But this type of immediate, deep connection isn’t limited to romantic love. Clicking can be equally deep and meaningful between future friends and can strike in the most unlikely of places.
For Jim West and Gerhard Sessler, a pair of physicists who first met at Bell Laboratories, the instant connection between them would permanently alter the course of their careers. But if you were to go back to 1959 and see the two when they first met, you’d be struck by their apparent differences.
Jim, a tall, slender African American who grew up in Virginia during the Great Depression, learned from an early age to make do with whatever resources were available to him. “As a black man,” he reflected, “I attended segregated schools. But I was lucky in that I had great teachers.”
These teachers— along with his family, friends, and neighbors— saw something special in the boy. As his brother tells it, Jim was the kind of kid who always had a screwdriver or tool of some sort in his hand. When he wasn’t taking apart his grandfather’s watch, he was rebuilding an old vacuum- tube radio. As a teenager, Jim decided to channel his love of tinkering into a career in physics. Concerned, his father introduced him to three black men who held Ph.D.’s in physics or chemistry. Recalls Jim, “The best jobs they could find were at the post office. [The point my father was making was that] I was taking the long road toward working at the post office.”
Jim persevered nonetheless, eventually landing a job at Bell Laboratories. It was the equivalent, for an engineer, of working at Disneyland. “It was the premier research institute in the country,” Jim explains. “People from all over the world wanted to work there.”
His first day at Bell Labs, Jim was assigned an office next door to another new recruit, Gerhard Sessler. Sporting short- cropped hair and a fastidious wardrobe, Gerhard had a natural, genteel warmth about him. While Jim had been raised in the American South, Gerhard had grown up in pre–World War II Germany. “I was only eight years old when the war started,” recalls Gerhard. “The air raids, the atmosphere— it was a very difficult time.”
It was v...
Product details
- ASIN : B0036S4BXU
- Publisher : Crown Currency (June 3, 2010)
- Publication date : June 3, 2010
- Language : English
- File size : 1652 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Sticky notes : On Kindle Scribe
- Print length : 226 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: #648,801 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #682 in Mate Seeking (Kindle Store)
- #846 in Interpersonal Relations (Kindle Store)
- #1,362 in Personal Success in Business
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
![Ori Brafman](https://cdn.statically.io/img/m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61G6BH6qWSL._SY600_.jpg)
Ori Brafman is a multiple New York Times bestselling author, researcher, and entrepreneur. His upcoming book, Radical Inclusion: What the Post-9/11 World Should Have Taught Us About Leadership, co-authored by 18th Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, GEN(R) Martin Dempsey, argues that today’s leaders are in competition for the trust and confidence of those they lead more than ever before. Bringing examples from business, academia, government, and the military, Brafman and Dempsey assert that the nature of power is changing and should not be measured by degree of control alone.
The White House, the world’s largest organization for financial professionals, and the Chicago Bulls alike turn to Brafman when focusing on organizational culture change, increased employee engagement, business transformations, leadership development, and adjusting to emerging technologies. He has advised all branches of the U.S. military, the Obama White House, Google, Microsoft, Cisco, NATO, and YPO, among others. His media appearances include the New York Times, the Washington Post, ABC News, BBC, National Public Radio, CNBC, the Wall Street Journal, CNN, Fox News, C-SPAN, and AP Video.
Brafman is founder and president of Starfish Leadership and co-founder of the Fully Charged Institute, which combines his work with that of Tom Rath. Brafman is a Distinguished Teaching Fellow at UC Berkeley’s Haas School of Business focusing on improvisational leadership, data science, and artificial intelligence and a Senior Fellow at the Coach K Leadership & Ethics Center at Duke University.
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Customers find the writing clear, understandable, and interesting. They also describe the book as a quick, interesting read that brings about an almost euphoric state. Readers also say the book provides an interesting look at how people connect with one another, and the lessons ring true in all sorts of daily encounters.
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Customers find the book interesting, engaging, and easy to follow. They also say it's well-researched, written in an open, approachable style, and brings about a unique, almost euphoric state. Readers also mention the book is simple and helpful.
"This was a good quick read. It dealt with how to establish relationships...." Read more
"...Interesting case studies as well. The book shipped very quickly, pleased with the price as well (purchased a used copy)." Read more
"...First, clicking brings about a unique, almost euphoric state, one that we describe as "magical."..." Read more
"...The book is well research written in an open approachable style with examples and anecdotes from diverse fields. It is a fun informative read...." Read more
Customers find the book an interesting and informative read about how people connect with one another. They also say it's persuasive, engaging, and easy to follow.
"...This is a perfect book for preachers. Also, this is a good back for those trying to make friends in life...." Read more
"...friendship, salesmanship, or romance - Click is an interesting and informative read. Recommend." Read more
"...Regardless, it was a fascinating look into making instant connections with people." Read more
"Great thoughts presented. Doesn't totally reflect the digital culture." Read more
Customers find the writing clear, understandable, and accessible for readers of all interest levels.
"...The book is a short and easy read, but it left me wanting...." Read more
"...The writing was clear, understandable and I passed it on to a friend." Read more
"...Highly accessible: great for readers of all interest levels." Read more
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Top reviews from the United States
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The Brafmans tell us the science behind clicking and describe "click accelerators" - summarized as follows: vulnerability, proximity, resonance, similarity, and shared adversity.
For those interested in increasing your "clickability" with others - whether for leadership, friendship, salesmanship, or romance - Click is an interesting and informative read. Recommend.
My main issue with the book is that the central thesis of the book isn't at all surprising or thought-provoking. This is what I was able to gather of the major points of the work, which the authors sum up in the last chapter:
1. "Magic matters" - the pleasure center of our brain responds when we connect deeply with someone
2. "There's power in vulnerability" - We have stronger connections with others when we are willing to share more personal experiences with them
3. "A few feet make a big difference" - We are more likely to connect with those in close physical proximity to us than those that are further away from us
4. "Resonance begets resonance" - The closest thing to a salient point I can take from this is that when we give others real attention, they tend to return the favor. This back-and-forth leads to stronger relationships
5. "Similarity counts; quantity trumps quality" - We tend to connect with those who we share similarities with. Perhaps the only really remarkable point I found in this book is that these similarities can be entirely superficial; the most important factor is how many - and not which in particular - similarities we detect.
6. "The environment around us can help foster intimacy" - Self-explanatory
7. "Certain people are magnets" - There are some people who tend to connect more easily with others.
8. "Quick-set intimacy can bring out the best in us" - We tend to be more comfortable and civil when we are around people who we feel connected to.
As the list makes clear, there's very little that's surprising in this book. I like books that make me pause or deeply consider their arguments, but as I read this I just kind of hummed along thinking "yeah, of course that's true" more than not. There were various times where it seemed as if the book would reach some genuinely thought-provoking content, but then it shifted back to a superficial level. For example, in the chapter on point 5, the book started to note that humans can form a strong group sense based even on very shallow traits or characteristic, but never really explored why that is.
Overall, it's an alright book, I just expected a lot more than it delivered.
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